Maybe it's the raw eggs.

Or maybe it's just the feeling that comes with throwing those eggs at a huge tarp full of words that make the kids at Tommy's Kids Camp angry.

Whatever it is, it works, said Heather Kochen, founder of the five-day bereavement camp for about 30 children ages five through 12. Every summer, the "bulls-eye" activity is one of the favorites.
Adventist St. Thomas Hospice, which serves hospitals of Adventist Midwest Health, cares for Chicago-area residents with a limited life expectancy. Kochen has been the Hospice youth coordinator for six years and recently helped coordinate the hospice's sixth annual Tommy's Kids Camp.

"Some might think this job has its down side, but I find it fulfilling to help accompany people through their grief journey," said Kochen, who lives in the area with her husband and three-year-old son Owen.

Part of Kochen's job involves recruiting and training young volunteers who will work with hospice patients and family members dealing with the death of loved ones and post-death bereavement. In some cases, her staff travels to nursing homes to conduct events like ice cream socials, bingo and crafts.

"I encourage families to spend time talking about the person they lost," she said. "When there is a loss, kids feel the effects and it stays with them. It's important to be open and honest with kids. Let them know it's OK to be sad."

Rebecca Sampson is just one of the many parents Heather has helped. Sampson's husband, Jeff, died from a massive heart attack in 2008. Her son, Julian, was four years old at the time and was with his father when it happened. Julian attended camp in 2011 when he was eight years old.

"Death is such a hard thing for children to grasp," said Sampson. "It took Julian a long time to realize that Jeff was never coming back. Tommy's Camp really helped him get through the grief and that program wouldn't be the same without Heather. Her touch is what makes it so special. She took the time to get know us and listened to us."

Offering a positive experience during bad times

Kochen received an undergraduate degree in psychology, specializing in child-related studies, at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She also has a graduate degree in counseling from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology in Chicago. In 2006, Kochen went on a mission trip to Ghana where she helped run programs for school-aged children.

She found out about her current position while completing her counseling internship with Adventist Hinsdale Hospital.

"My most memorable moments are when I get to witness an individual making healthy progress on their journey through grief," Kochen said. "I see this happen every year at our camp. The difference in campers from Monday to Wednesday is astounding. As they become more comfortable with one another, and as they are given permission to grieve their losses in healthy ways, you can see the difference it makes in their lives.”

John B. Rapp, regional vice president of Adventist Midwest Health ministries and mission, has known Kochen since the day she joined the organization.

"When I watch Heather work I am always reminded of Jesus' words about welcoming children, ministering to children, affirming children," Rapp said. "Every day Heather fulfills Jesus' mandate regarding children as she ministers to the youngest who often are hurting the deepest. Heather ‘extends the healing ministry of Christ' clearly through her work with the children of our community and her role at St. Thomas Hospice." 

And it’s Heather’s personal touch that makes all the difference, Sampson said. For example, every Tommy's Kid camper gets a home visit before camp starts.

"I can't say enough good things about the camp and about Heather," Sampson said. "It was one of the best experiences my son will ever have in his life. In many ways, it counteracted one of the worst experiences he'll ever have."